I was lucky enough to have Christmas in Hawaii this year. But, before I got there, I spent a couple of days in Los Angeles at my sister’s. One of those days she was very occupied with her boyfriend’s birthday plans, so she said, “Take my car and go visit your friend in Santa Barbara.”
So I was like, “Cool.” And I did.
This might be the first time I’m posting about Bill Burr, and for what I think is as fantastic a reason as any. I listened to his latest podcast episode yesterday and he mentioned a pie crust video that he uploaded to YouTube that got like 600k views. He said it has gotten more views than some of his comedy specials, which is pretty funny.
The video has got more than 700k, last I checked. It’s pretty funny. Just the idea of a tough guy with a thick Boston accent walking you through how to make pie crust is funny. It’s not every day you hear a baking video where the host goes, “You know what? I bet someone, somewhere is jerking off to this.”
I’ve heard from other famous comedians that he’s actually pretty awesome at cooking and baking. So I’d listen to him.
My room used to be all white with totally white walls, all white furniture, and white bed sheets. And I just recently realized that that is not normal.
So I called up my friend on the phone who is a photographer and I said, “Hey, why don’t you send me a picture so that I can put it up on my wall.”
So he sends me the picture, and I open it up and see that what he sent me is this giant print of…what looks like an empty, white room.
The only thing creepier than having a totally white room with all white walls and white furniture is having a totally white room with all white walls and white furniture, where the only thing on the wall is a picture of an empty white room.
Trying to seem less serial-killer-y, I decided to pin up my comedy notecards on the wall, too. Not that weird, right? After organizing them, I realized that all of the notecards are white as well. And they have the names of all my jokes on them. And the more you look, the weirder they sound, especially because you’d have no way of knowing why I wrote the phrases on these notecards without asking me.
“Make someone care about you?”
“Shower Ritual”
“Bill Cosby Cover”
“I think State Farm is there”
Normal people do not write these things on their wall.
I also acquired a new mattress. Not knowing what to do with my old one, I shoved it against the inner wall of my closet, thinking “Oh wow, I bet this would totally sound-proof the closet.”
Stop! Stop being a serial killer! How does being boring make me so creepy?! An all white room, one artsy photo, joke notecards, and a mattress are just boring things!
Maybe I should just embrace my inner serial killer and buy some tarps and an axe in preparation for my American Psycho-esque meltdown. The only problem is that I have no idea where they would sell axes in New York City.
You know, it really doesn’t make sense how having a really white room makes you seem crazy. It would just be way harder to clean when you do axe-murder someone. Just saying.
Sometimes when I don’t want to use a silly photo I found on the interwebs, I use my own pictures of NYC venues as a feature image. Greenwich Village Comedy club is in the heart of the West Village on Macdougal Street, just down the street from the Comedy Cellar. It’s where I’ve had my worst set: a grueling five minutes of complete silence. So it holds a special place in my heart.
stumelton.com 