How To Look Like A Serial Killer

My room used to be all white with totally white walls, all white furniture, and white bed sheets. And I just recently realized that that is not normal.

So I called up my friend on the phone who is a photographer and I said, “Hey, why don’t you send me a picture so that I can put it up on my wall.”

So he sends me the picture, and I open it up and see that what he sent me is this giant print of…what looks like an empty, white room.

The only thing creepier than having a totally white room with all white walls and white furniture is having a totally white room with all white walls and white furniture, where the only thing on the wall is a picture of an empty white room.

Trying to seem less serial-killer-y, I decided to pin up my comedy notecards on the wall, too. Not that weird, right? After organizing them, I realized that all of the notecards are white as well. And they have the names of all my jokes on them. And the more you look, the weirder they sound, especially because you’d have no way of knowing why I wrote the phrases on these notecards without asking me.

“Make someone care about you?”

“Shower Ritual”

“Bill Cosby Cover”

“I think State Farm is there”

Normal people do not write these things on their wall.

I also acquired a new mattress. Not knowing what to do with my old one, I shoved it against the inner wall of my closet, thinking “Oh wow, I bet this would totally sound-proof the closet.”

Stop! Stop being a serial killer! How does being boring make me so creepy?! An all white room, one artsy photo, joke notecards, and a mattress are just boring things!

Maybe I should just embrace my inner serial killer and buy some tarps and an axe in preparation for my American Psycho-esque meltdown. The only problem is that I have no idea where they would sell axes in New York City.

You know, it really doesn’t make sense how having a really white room makes you seem crazy. It would just be way harder to clean when you do axe-murder someone. Just saying.

 

Sometimes when I don’t want to use a silly photo I found on the interwebs, I use my own pictures of NYC venues as a feature image. Greenwich Village Comedy club is in the heart of the West Village on Macdougal Street, just down the street from the Comedy Cellar. It’s where I’ve had my worst set: a grueling five minutes of complete silence. So it holds a special place in my heart. 

8 thoughts on “How To Look Like A Serial Killer

  1. One room is not so bad. Now if the rest of you house is just as creepy, say stacks and stacks of old newspapers, or maybe each room of you apartment is similiar a blue room, a yellow room, then you might be a serial killer, but one room, that just makes you a little strange.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I try not to give advice but this is too irresistible: Don’t run from your true self: “One of us.” “One of us.” Since I am not sure what generation you are you might need to Google Rose Mary’s Baby to get the reference.

    Like

    1. I hadn’t seen it, but it’s been on a list for a while. I’ll have to get to that…I’m in my early 20’s so that one has gotten past me a little haha.

      Like

  3. Also, I think that is a the comedy club I got roped into going to after I found out there was no Open Mike at The Comedy Cellar. Changed my whole perspective on the NY comedy club scene. I am hoping the Post Crypt Club this Saturday has college students and not other comedians. I was taken aback to say the least. And while it was okay performances for the most part they lied about the ticket price. Not a good way to win friend and influence people. (:-0

    Like

    1. Yeah some of the big clubs like The Cellar really don’t need an open mic because they just hire all the best comedians in NYC and have shows all night long. There really isn’t a motivation to put on an open mic. Compared to smaller clubs that need to keep finding new comics. I haven’t heard of Post Crypt Club – let me know how that is!

      Like

    1. Hahaha that really makes me want to try Hello Kitty stuff everywhere. That would be so creepy. Plants weird me out! Although I added little flowers and they’re absolutely splendid. Thanks so much!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s