80 Woody Allen Quotes Because He’s 80 Now Someone Says

Woody Allen turned 80 on December first, so The Laugh Button compiled a list of his top 80 quotes. There were two realizations I made from reading all of these quotes: 1) humor changes over time and 2) Woody Allen has made a ton of jokes about sex.

What I mean about humor changing is that these quotes might be seen as more “clever” than laugh out loud funny. At least that’s how I see them. Most of the quotes here are from Woody Allen movies, but a few are from his stand up. I have a few of his stand up records and I think they’re better told than read.

What I mean about lots of sex jokes is…well, just look at the article.

Here’s a quote I liked:

“I thought of that old joke: This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, ‘Doc, my brother’s crazy, he thinks he’s a chicken.’ And the doctor says, ‘Well why don’t you turn him in?’ and the guy says, ‘I would, but I need the eggs.’ Well, I guess that’s pretty much now how I feel about relationships. They’re totally irrational and crazy and absurd, but I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs.” – from Annie Hall

Birthday Jokes, It’s My Birthday Whatever

Today marks the 23rd anniversary of a day I remember nothing about. Why was it important? Who was there? Did anything cool happen? I doubt it.

So, I’m gonna share this Jim Gaffigan stuff about birthdays. Sorry for all the Gaffigan love lately, but hey. It’s THE birthday joke. Wait no, I’m not going to apologize! I do what I want! It’s my birthday!

Watch the video, it will make what I just wrote funny (maybe?).