“Thanks Guys”

As a comic, you’re always thinking about what sets you apart from every other comedian. You want to stand out: be different. Memorable. How are you special?

What sets me apart? Well, I’ll tell you: I say “thanks guys” at the end of every one of my sets.

Now, you might think that’s pretty lame, but let’s not forget about how cool it is to be thankful. Being thankful is so cool that we have a NATIONAL HOLIDAY based SOLELY on the idea of being thankful.

One time I asked my friend, “Hey, isn’t it really cool to be a thankful person?”

And he was like, “No.”

And I said, “Okay, thanks!”

And he said, “You’re welcome!”

I snuck some thanks in there without him even noticing! And it cheered him up. Thanking is cool.

“Thank” rhymes with “stank,” but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. In fact, it isn’t bad; it’s cool. We’ve established that. So, thankfulness is cool and good. Think polar bears: cool = good, not cool = bad. Polar bear + Caribbean = dead, white, & fluffy.

Remember those Coca-Cola polar bears? They’ll start showing up on TV soon because Christmas somehow means large profit margins for Coca-Cola in the arctic. Although it might be a bear market, it won’t be a bear market. Heyoooo! (Where my economics jokesters at?? For the subset of economics jokesters who are also sports jokesters, check out the bonus pack at the bottom of this post for more jokey fun.)

Screen Shot 2015-11-25 at 11.15.54 PM
A youth who is cool, but not nearly as cool as someone who is thankful

I really got off track there. The point is, stank isn’t always bad. For example, I once heard an NBA commentator describe a particularly dominant move as having “stank.” So, it seems the word can be used in very positive contexts as well. To further illustrate my point, consider the former hit song entitled “Stanky Legg,” which was once greatly enjoyed by many members of the youth, even despite the spelling error. Sometimes I forget that “leg” in the name has two g’s but then it helps me to remember that the leg is so darn stanky, it’s like there’s more of it: “legg.” Also, g’s are cool (“Yo, what’s up G?” – wow, cool person). Look, I know “stank” really has nothing to do with “thank,” at least outwardly. But, that’s because you’re thinking about it wrong. Think of it this way: they both have the root word “ank.” Now you’re probably like, “Whoa those basically are the same word.”

“Thank” also sounds like “think,” which means you can make puns that make you sound stupid. For example: “Turkey for dinner? I thank that sounds like a good idea!”

Response from your friend: “I’m not your friend anymore.”

Response from a southerner: “I don’t know why you emphasized the word think.” (Southerners say “thank” instead of “think” because they have an accent, so they wouldn’t notice the difference: it’s a really funny joke, trust me.)

Thoughts of a holiday entertainer your family hired for Thanksgiving: “Who the hell hires a performer for Thanksgiving? Hey, at least it’s work. Also, ‘entertainer’ is very vague. I should probably brand myself better to attract a more niche market.”

“Thanks” also sounds like “angst.” …I guess there’s no coming back from that one. That’s just a bad auditory association.

Things “thank” and “thanks” don’t sound like:

  • pineapple
  • Korea
  • catamaran*

*However, “catamaran” does sound like the word “cat,” which, believe it or not, has the same root word as “catamaran.” (It’s “cat.”)


So, thanks is cool. And, since I say “thanks guys” at the end of every set, I must be pretty cool. Heck, one day I might even be known as “The Thankful Comic.” How cool would that be?! So cool. TTC.

What’s even cooler is that I didn’t even realize my habit until just recently: I’m just thankful intuitively. I’m no try-hard thanker. I don’t just pretend I’m thankful once a year at the dinner table, just so grandma smiles. I’m a year-round thanker.

I know a comic who always starts his set by staring at the back of the room for a few moments, adopting an evil smile, and then asking quite rhetorically, “What’s up?” I saw that and I thought “good thing I never do anything that repetitive. Jeez. And then I got up, did my set, said “thanks guys,” like I always do, and then realized…shit!

If you’re gonna be repetitive, at least be #cool&thankful.



*BONUS PACK: Whether it’s a Bears market or a Bulls market, no matter what Chicago sports teams are doing well! (What fun!)

2 thoughts on ““Thanks Guys”

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